When I was a kid, my mother and I developed a code word for the times I wanted to come home from a slumber party or a friend's house. The code ("peanut butter") was used so my friends wouldn't know I wanted to go home. For example, "Yeah, I'm having fun but I sure am craving some peanut butter." It was that simple. Use the word and my mom would come pick me up. Homesickness was always a challenge for me and "peanut butter" was my safety net.
Embarrassingly, the use of this code continued after childhood. While in college, the adventurous part of me thought studying monkeys in the Costa Rican rainforest would be perfect for me, but once there all I could think about was going home. After a little more than a week, I called my mom collect and told her there wasn't any "peanut butter" in Costa Rica. Her response: "You've GOT to be kidding me!!!???", but within a few days I was back home. Too mortified to tell my friends that I quit my big adventure after only two weeks of my two month monkey program, I camped out in my bedroom and hid from the world. After that depressing experience, I lost faith in my ability to be adventurous and independent. I became somewhat paralyzed by my fear of feeling homesick and failing again. Despite my strong desire to leave San Diego, I grew roots and decided I was destined to live there forever. It's beautiful, has a perfect climate, geographically ideal, and most importantly....close to my mom and all things familiar.
I played it really safe for about six years, and probably would have continued to take the safe path in life, despite my desire to be more adventurous. But then I met Natcho...and things changed. Like, really changed. I was introduced to a whole new world of nature and adventure and independence. Not only did he force me to leave my comfort zone, he took me to places my comfort zone didn't even know existed! To him, I am probably still a city girl who won't ever be able to live like a real outdoorswoman/adventurer. But to me, I'm a superstar. I left home! I've been gone for a long time and not once have I even considered using the secret code. This is huge! Because of this, I now know I can do anything I want to, whether it's move to a new country, quit my dream job, or reinvent myself again and again. I'm finally that independent woman I daydreamed of 15 years ago.
My mom's coming to Italy to visit me next week! She asked me what she could bring me from home. My response: "Vanilla extract, measuring cups, my bathing suit...and peanut butter...the crunchy and salted kind from Trader Joe's."
My, how times have changed.
