Stomachache

For months, I’ve had an aching feeling in my stomach about this whole moving to Italy thing. People always say "listen to your gut" but it's not as easy as it seems! Maybe my reluctance about moving to Italy has more to do with nerves than "my gut" or maybe it has to do with laziness, since finding an apartment, buying a scooter and maneuvering through the English-teaching niche seems like such an effort. Or maybe this aching feeling really is my gut telling me not to go. I have no idea. But aside from that feeling, there have been a few other things that are making me wonder if moving to Italy (albeit temporarily) is the right choice. 


The mean lady at the Italian Consulate who made me cry during my visa application appointment is one of those things.  It took me six weeks to get this appointment, which ended up lasting no more than ten minutes. I was so nervous about missing it that I flew home early from my family-time in Massachusetts because I knew Hurricane Irene would cause my flight to be cancelled. I drove up to Los Angeles with ALL the necessary requirements and paperwork. I arrived on time, opened the consulate office door, and there she was...Signora Sourpuss sitting there behind her glass partition and giving me the evil eye. It went downhill from there. Call me sensitive, but I really think her tone was borderline abusive. And maybe because I had just learned that my grandmother had passed away, I didn't have my invisible mean lady shield activated. I was sad and tired and simply could not handle Signora Sourpuss's vexatious ways. So after she chewed me up and spit me out, I started to cry in the middle of the consulate office. In front of everyone. Uncontrollably. I've since learned that tears are quite common in that office, and so are denials for visas. So what I thought was a slam dunk quickly turned into a crapshoot. The next day I resubmitted my application with the extra information she requested and now it's just a waiting game (a very long, anxiety-packed waiting game). 


I've spent most of my recent days in San Diego sorting through all my stuff and downsizing into a smaller storage unit. The concept of a rented storage unit is so bizarre, but sometimes necessary for someone like me who has made the choice to live out of bags for awhile. I've spent $1, 340 in the last year to store my stuff. That's insane!!!  As of today, I finally succeeded in dividing my things into two equal groups, one to keep and one to discard, which feels great...but the sorting process really got me thinking. Seeing my photos and fondue pot and my refrigerator magnets has me aching for a place to call home. I want to nest. But of course this is a normal feeling when one's life is up in the air and lacking stability. So I'm trying to stay objective. 


And most of all, the death of my grandmother has me reflecting more than usual about life choices. Reggae Mama was my icon for adventure and independence, but she was also very grounded and knew how to balance travel and family. So what would she do? She'd go to Italy, I'm pretty sure. And if given the chance, I will too. I think. 


Then, yesterday, I saw my super intuitive friend Amanda, who in a non sequitur sort of way while we were talking about fresh squeezed juice said, "You don't want to move to Italy, do you?" I assured her that she was wrong because I do want to move there, but she could feel my doubt and tasked me with doing some soul searching (one of my favorite hobbies). So..."What do I want? Like really, really want? I’m supposed to leave for Italy in two days, which obviously isn't happening since I don't have my visa (& they have my passport). But before I reschedule my flight, I'd like to know for sure that I'm going. My job starts on the 21st and I have business cards for my side tutoring business...but I need to prepare myself for Plan B, just in case. If Signora Sourpuss grants me my visa, I'll jump with joy onto that airplane and into a new life in Verona. If I don't get my visa, I'll join the 14 million other unemployed Americans here, but for some reason that doesn't seem so bad.  Hopefully I'll know by tomorrow!

Will I get to use my new business cards?????

Update:
The visa arrived two days later!!!!!! So I'm packing my suitcase and heading to Italy!